Where do I begin? I'm a 36-year old mother of 5 children, ages: 2, 4, 6, 8, & 10. Two girls then three boys. I don't homeschool, as I get asked often. I wanted a big family, as I get asked often. I'm liberal in my political and religious views, as I get asked often. I've been married for 12 years. My undergraduate degree is in psychology and early childhood education. I went on to get my master's degree to become a speech- language pathologist, with focus on early childhood/school-aged language disorders, stuttering, and Asperger's.
I grew up in a small town outside of Boston, MA. I currently live in Northwest Arkansas. My husband was a philosophy major and went on to get a law degree. His perspective has always been more existential than anything else, as he is constantly reminding me of the big picture, the health and happiness of our family and friends. That has always helped me tremendously, particularly through adverse times over the course of our marriage. I think we'd both agree that the key to happiness involves one main component: Keeping Perspective.
My passion is people. I love hearing their stories, helping people problem solve "bumps in the road", as well as learning from the experiences and advice of others. I will be starting a blog with subjects that involve my experiences regarding varying topics such as marriage, intimacy, plastic surgery, bargain shopping, medical issues etc... based on what I have learned through books, work, mothering, discussing topics with friends, professionals, and more often than not, through trial and error.
I get many questions about my big family in this modern day world where people are having children later, possibly fewer or no children, gay marriage, no marriage, traditional marriage etc. Life is life, and our trials and tribulations are often similar. I will be focusing on my experiences as a wife, mother, daughter-in-law, daughter, sister, friend, and speech pathologist. I will be honest, detailed, and opinionated as I am writing about topics that I feel strongly about and that I have been successful in making work. I will answer questions about my own life along the way. Please join me as I begin this journey that has been a long time coming. Enjoy!
The first subject area is Healthy Sleep Habits in infants, dedicated to my sister-in-law, who just gave birth to her first child, a baby boy (we all love to know the sex of babies). This will be my longest entry, probably least entertaining but I promise, one of the most appreciated. I love sleep habits and have researched, learned and applied the information I will be sharing. The subject makes my insides hurt because it's such an accomplishment to get a baby sleeping through the night, 12hours. Yup, 12 hours.
Infants and healthy sleep habits is in my opinion, the most misunderstood and unknown area, in the parenting world. Understanding normal sleep habits in infants and how to get your baby to sleep well and quickly is really hard. People don't know the facts and parents can often let their emotions get in the way of the physical needs of their baby (not on purpose of course and not understanding sleep habits does NOT mean you're a "bad" parent or you're baby will suffer long-term if they didn't or don't get the sleep they need or needed). There are tons of books about babies and sleep but none that I have come across that are going to lay down the law like I am with simple facts and "tricks" to get started immediately upon giving birth and set a goal for approximately 12 weeks for your baby to be sleeping 12 hours at night and several hours during the day, all readable in minutes time.
To begin, babies come into the world wired for sleep. They want sleep but they need us to give them the structure for sleep. Babies sleep a lot. When their basic needs of food and sleep are met in a nice rhythm, babies are content, meaning little fussing, tons of sleeping, good weight gain and small alert moments here and there throughout the day (longer alert time as the baby gets older into his/her first year).
When I gave birth, I immediately began feeding (I breastfeed but same can go for bottle) on a three hour schedule (2.5 on occasion). I plop a pacifier in or have the nurses do that in the hospital if fussy in-between feedings. Babies like to suck; it's soothing. Starting from the beginning, feeding a baby spaced out, allows the baby and mommy to know signs of hunger vs being tired as those two most important needs get very confusing/mixed up when a baby's feedings are too close together. It can also lead to habit for the baby to want to eat if they've been fed frequently, when they're not actually hungry. When this occurs, a couple of things can happen. One, the baby falls asleep eating, and two, the baby doesn't feed well because he/she isn't hungry.
As a baby develops good sleep habits at approximately 3-3.5ms, feed times tend to be every 3-4.5 hours steadily, approximately 5 feedings a day. Baby goes to sleep for example at 6:15pm, gets up at 6:30am. Baby gets diaper changed, fed, then has small wake-time for approximately 15mts after feeding=30mts for total wake time. Now it's 7am and baby is put in crib on back in quiet space for morning nap. Baby sleeps 2-4 hrs. Baby gets up at 10am, change diaper, feed, awake then down again, but this time, baby is up for 45mts (watch for signs of sleepiness and see how long your baby can be up without being fussy to know how long they can stay up between each wake cycle). So baby is put down at 10:45 for 2nd nap and sleeps for two hours, up at 12:45. Baby gets changed, eats, up for a few and then down by 1:30ish. Sleep cycle continues into night sleep and starts over again early the next morning. More about that later.
For now let's learn some basic sleep facts about newborns and babies well into the first year:
1.) The first few weeks babies sleep almost all of the time.
2.) Sleep begets sleep, the more sleep a baby gets during the day, the better baby sleeps at night.
3.) Babies don't have to cry themselves to sleep if they have been taught how to fall asleep on their own. We lay baby down in the most optimal state. This leads to little to no fussing. Don't wait until the baby is fussy to lay him down. This will lead to crying and trouble falling asleep.
4.) NEVER watch bed-times. Watch wake-times/wake periods, meaning how long a baby has been awake since the last nap. There are many wake cycles during each day and baby is able to stay up for different amounts of time during each wake cycle. 15mts to 45mts is about the most a baby can stay up for almost the first half of the year unless they're overtired and thus overstimulated. That is NOT a good thing and will lead to difficulty falling asleep later, possible crying, and a bad cycle can begin that way.
5.) There's never a set routine as the length of nap determines the next eat-wake-sleep cycle. A baby who only slept 45mts for his/her morning nap, may only be up for 20mts between naps, since baby didn't sleep long vs a baby who took his/her normal 3hr am nap may be up for closer to 50mts, depending on age.
6.) YAWN is the last sign that the baby is sleepy before getting tired. Babies tell us they're ready for bed. It's our job to understand them. Rubbing eyes is also a sign.
7.) We lay a baby down at the peek of their happiness, never wait until baby is fussy.
8.) To trigger the organization of night sleep, we establish a rigid night routine. Example if baby got up at 5pm from last nap, then at 5:45pm, bathe, pj's, feed in dark chair of room then lay down to sleep. Within weeks, baby will hear the sound of running water and be so chill you'll laugh!
9.) Feeding before bed, according to Marc Weisbluth of Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child is only okay at night before bed as part of bedtime routine to help trigger night sleep organization. You will see baby start falling asleep feeding that one time and eyes roll back much differently than any other kind of sleep seen during naps.
10.) Babies' biological clock is not up before 6am, meaning day only starts at 6am (5:50ish is ok). If a baby wakes up before 5:50am, feed them quickly and lay them back down as though it's a continuation of night sleep.
11.) Babies ideally are put to bed between 6-7:30pm, closer to 6pm the first half of the year. There is reason: wake time is short and the longest they'll be up when several months old is an hour or so, meaning that if they wake-up from last nap at 5:30pm then bedtime is 6:30 since wake-time is approximately an hour between last nap and night sleep (bedtime).
12.) Approximately 12 hours, give or take a few, is considered sleeping through the night. 6:30pm to 6:30am is an average, normal, and typical night's sleep for a baby.
13.) Never wake a baby to feed them. Night sleep is developmental and NOT contingent on full belly. Does anyone wake you up to feed you at night? Don't do it. It doesn't help babies sleep longer.
14.) Don't be scared to back up babies' sleep-time, worried they'll wake up at night. They'll sleep better this way and get more sleep. Eight hours is what adults need NOT infants. No late night bedtimes.
15.) 8 weeks you should be getting 8hours of sleep from baby and then you're on you're way to 12 hours.
16.) Loving your baby means giving them what they need most: Nourishment and Sleep.
That is what they need to maximize their rapid growth during the first year.
17.) The first year is sacrificial as a parent, staying put is best and keeping nap and night routine on track is ideal. When they're asleep at 6pm you can get a sitter and go out after for date night. My babies never knew I was gone.
18.) If you hit a "bump" in the road once they've been sleeping through the night and they don't appear sick or dirty diaper, feed quickly in dark and lay them back down.
19.) Babies' bowels give us an idea of how their sleep development is doing, less poop at night and they're on their way to sleeping better.
20.) Don't feel guilty if daddy or mommy work or are gone and you didn't or don't see your baby at night. You must remove yourselves from your baby and do what is most important for your baby's well-being. Healthy Sleep is #1. They'll get plenty of love at other times, but the first year, this is what matters most. You're their parent or care-giver for the long-haul. You need to recognize what they need at the varying stages of parenting despite the beginning being so knew, exciting, and somewhat unknown.
21.) Morning nap is the first nap to be established, the longest nap initially and the easiest to be consistent with. Typically, when baby wakes up for day, remember day is only considered 6am or later, wake period is short, anywhere between 15mts and 30mts those first few months. It gets longer as day and night sleep are established and baby gets well into the first year.
22.) We feed when baby gets up from a nap, minimum of approximately every 3hrs. If when you're establishing naps and baby takes short nap and gets up, begin your wake cycle, without a feeding, meaning get the baby up, change diaper, give some love then lay baby back down vs feeding after getting the baby up.
24.) A nap is considered 45mts or longer. NO exceptions.
25.) Until about 2.5 ms babies are pretty portable and can sleep on the go. When that great time ends, it's time to suck it up and stay at home so baby can sleep.
26.) Well rested babies=happy babies
They hardly cry, they barely show signs of hunger because they're in a good rhythm of sleep, wake, feed, up then begin the cycle all over again, and they anticipate sleep in a good way.
27.) Food is like fuel to a car. We need it to go, not to rest. Therefore, we feed when baby gets up, except as I mentioned before, when the feeding is part of the trigger for night sleep, when it's part of the night sleep routine. That is NOT to be done as part of naps.
28.) ALL babies need a lot of sleep. If they're up a long time that means they're overstimulated and not being put down for sleep at the appropriate time.
29.) When babies' needs are met you should have a happy baby.
30.) The first year is soooooo hard as it requires a warm body at home to be there for the baby to get the sleep he/she needs.
31.) Loving your baby= milk and sleep, the affection part is a no brainer but 2nd to the others as without them the baby can't grow well.
Cheat sheet (your holy baby bible):
1.) 3-6ms, babies take 3naps, morning nap, mid-day nap and afternoon nap. Then early bedtime, 6-7pm. 5:50pm is the earliest you can lay your baby down for the night. You can begin the routine of bathe, dress, feed in dark consistent place earlier.
If you're cycles are off for whatever reason, watch the wake cycles and give your baby more naps. If they're short and not the full 45mts then just try again during the next sleep cycle.
2.) 6-12ms, morning nap and afternoon nap, then early bedtime once again.
3.) approximately 15ms, give or take a month or two, a baby can drop their morning nap and begin to consolidate their daytime sleep into one nap. When that happens, it's a process. You put them down for that nap early e.g. 10 or 10:30am. You may not get a 3hr nap immediately but it will come and over time, several weeks, they'll be able to stay up until 11-12pm. During the transition phase of fading out the morning nap, night bedtime will probably be pretty early as they may be up from their nap a lot earlier than normal.
4.) until babies are 3-4years old, they typically take a nap 1.5-3.5hrs, then early bedtime, 7pm to 7am, somewhere in that range, possibly 7:30pm until 6:30am.
Newborn tips:
1.) In hospital upon birth, feed your baby approximately every 3hrs. This allows newborn to eat when hungry and eat well vs falling asleep, eating poorly, then hungry shortly after. Bad cycles begin that way.
2.) When you get home, give yourself one week of time to do whatever you want. At one week you start getting down to business. That means keep baby dressed appropriately, swaddled, and lay him/her down in a wedge on back in cradle or crib, something to make them feel tight and warm like when they're being held. Babies don't like open spaces. Think of them naked on the scale at the doctor's office. It's cold and scary for them. When I say lay them down, that means, after they've been fed, changed and kissed all over (I can eat my babies up!), it's now time to let them experience just laying down peacefully, learning to sleep without being rocked, etc. When visitors come, let them look at the baby, but if he/she is sleeping peacefully swaddled up, there's no need to interrupt their sleep and pick them up. The more a baby sleeps and gets used to sleeping on their own, the more he will want/expect sleep.
3.) During the day, create slight structure of daytime. By that I mean feeding them every 3-5.5 hours, changing their diaper then love on them a few and lay them down. This helps to establish the sleep, eat, wake natural cycle of things. It's in their brain to be wired for this structure. They just need a little help getting there. When I say 5.5 hours, I mean that there are occasions, especially during the first 6wks or if a baby is sick with fever or is teething, that they sleep for long periods. Let them! Newborns, okay, I get we don't want to confuse day and night or "starve" our newborns. For one, if they were starving they'd wake up crying to be fed and two, as long as they don't do it all day long, it's fine to have one really good chunk of sleep.
4.) When you wake up at night to feed your baby, let them wake you with a good hungry cry. Sometimes babies fuss or make funny groaning noises and can fall back to sleep on their own. Monitors are really only needed in my opinion, if you can't hear a good hungry cry without one.
5.) When you get your baby up to feed him/her for night feeding, do so quietly, and with as little light as possible. Don't talk to them. It's all business. Feed and lay right back down. During that time, you will quickly change diaper then feed. If baby is not poopy or really wet, don't change the baby. We want to minimize stimulation and keep baby calm and warm and cozy in their swaddled state. When they start pooping less it's a good sign that they're ready to sleep more.
6.) Make sure you attempt to get good burps to rule out that as a reason for any night fussing.
7.) 6-8wks, personally, I think it's way time to get the baby sleeping in his own space, the crib that he/she will be spending the next two-three years in. The baby will come to love the crib so much. It's not punishment but rather the opposite. It becomes a safe, predictable place that the baby will love and know. If there are siblings close-by in other rooms, I've used a noisemaker. That is also a trigger for night sleep. When I bathe, pj's, feed in dark room in same chair, I lay baby down on back and turn on noisemaker. Just another trigger. Babies wiggle, gurgle, make funny noises, all not conducive to a good night's sleep for parents/care-taker. They need their space as they sense our presence, and we need ours.
8.) Night feedings fade out on their own when done correctly. There is no "crying it out". They simply sleep. Don't give your baby a later bedtime thinking they'll sleep longer or "through the night". If a baby sleeps 10-6am, that's NOT sufficient sleep. That's the amount of sleep you should be seeing at less than 2ms old and they should be down early and then up 8hrs later at approximately 2am. Don't deprive your baby of 12hrs of sleep because you don't want to be woken up. In the long-term, it won't help you or the baby.
What I've discussed are the basics to infants and establishing healthy sleep habits. There's no crying when done correctly. The night wake-ups fade out and the baby sleeps peacefully with his/her arms out above his/her head, happy as "a pig in sh-it!" That's when you can do the happy dance.
If you're breastfeeding, DON'T pump. You're body will adjust shortly. Go in the shower with warm water and press on your clogged, engorged milk ducts to relieve them some. You want your body to know it doesn't need milk as often. The body is a wondrous thing and by nature adjusts to the needs of a baby. You can do the same thing when your milk initially comes in. I don't suggest pumping at all for the reason of engorgement. It stimulates milk production despite immediately relieving discomfort.
I am open for questions and answers regarding specific scenarios that arise during the establishment of healthy sleep habits. I have been on around the clock "call" for friends, helping them troubleshoot and figure out what to do between each wake cycle when it hasn't gone according to plan. My five children were good babies because I understood sleep and gave them the naps and night sleep that their bodies needed to grow well and be content. They slept so much I could barely get 5 feedings in. Who would've thought! I look forward to answering questions and moving on to other topics each week. Have a good one!
Walk away remembering a few things:
1.) sleep, eat, wake-that is one whole cycle
2.) watch wake period-how long a baby can stay up between naps and night bedtime
3.) sleep begets sleep
4.) 8weeks, goal is baby sleeps 8hours, 12 weeks, goal is baby sleeps 12hrs. If not, then you need to troubleshoot and figure out what you're doing wrong.
Good luck and I look forward to hearing from you.
Warm regards,
Mommy minimalist
Information about me:
#1 baby, I was 25, my uterus was bi-corneate, split down into two different sections, breached baby girl via c-section was born at 5lbs 60z, 6wks early.
#2 baby, I was 28, planned c-section, just under 37wks, breached baby girl via c-section was born at 6lbs 7oz.
#3 baby, I just turned 30, first baby on the other side of my uterus, not even 34wks, baby boy via c-section was born at 5lbs 4oz (did remarkably well).
#4 baby, I was almost 32, planned c-section at just under 37wks, baby boy born at 7lbs 4oz, had infection in lung, possible aspiration on amniotic fluid, 9days in NICU, on antibiotics and oxygen.
#5 baby, I was 33, went into labor at barely 36 wks, baby boy born at 7lbs, trouble breathing, in NICU for a week.
I've dealt with every issue under the sun, ranging from jaundice, having to supplement formula with my first baby during the first few days, not feeding a baby for almost 5 days and using a pump, nursing after short periods of oxygen (18-24hrs), and then with one, nursing the way it's traditionally done, right after c-section was over. I still conclude that despite my beginnings being different with each baby, the eat and sleep cycles remain the same.
